My heart is broken. My children spent a few hours with me again today. Easter Sunday. Life is so surreal right now. Never would I have imagined that I would be unable to get on the floor and play with my first grandchild at 58. Never in a million years. Never would I ever believe that I would make a decision that could involve never seeing my children again. That is a possibility. Never is a very long time unless you have a chronic life-threatening illness.

My children love each other and want to be together. Now that they are both out of school, they live in the same state for the first time in thirteen years. They are both exceptional people. My mother and I had a joke. When I would say something like that she would add, “and if you don’t believe her, ask me.” So if you don’t believe me, ask her. Just ask loudly.

Around Christmas, after I had been where I am now living for a year, it became clear to me that I needed to go back home to Colorado. Whatever I came here to complete was completed. My work was done. Ironically, there were two stimuli in my decision-making. The first was when my brother suggested that I consider an assisted living facility. Didn’t you realize my deepest fear? I believe that certain people in your life follow a script and can deliver a line that sets a trajectory in motion. This was the perfect demonstration of that theory.

The second event involved a family gathering where our extended family gathered. My daughter-in-laws were in attendance. My grandchild’s daddy’s sister was telling me about a journey she was about to make to Rwanda to study the post genocide culture as part of her sociology Degree at Colorado College. I have been reading her blog and I have to say that I’ve been inspired to write by her courage and brilliance. She is having an external experience, while mine is largely Internal.

Thank you,  Anu. You are already changing the world.

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