It is interesting to think about the “vehicle” we have to work with at the beginning of this Journey. Some people have able bodies, some people have broken bodies, some are weakened, some seem to be totally impervious to abuse. Some people have memories of literally selecting the body-type while in a different state of consciousness. I realize that this is a very controversial statement, and my purpose is not to debate or present research (but I am available for sources if interested).

My particular prototype seemed to be very athletic and strong, however, with a closer look, there were many frailties that presented themselves early on. As a young child I used to have weird body anomalies that caused me quite a bit of frustration and discomfort. The bottoms of my feet used to burn so intensely that, as a child, I would put cold compresses on them when I was alone at night. The backs of my knees used to ache terribly and I thought this was just part of growing up, like growing pains. Throughout my life I had so many bruises on my legs that they looked like a connect the dots drawing. Fifty years ago, mattresses used to be made with buttons. My brother used to tease me because I would get bruises from the buttons on my hip bones, making references to the Princess and the Pea.

After my cousin died from leukemia at eight years old, I was taken in for a good deal of blood work. The only determination was that my blood clotted slowly. I wonder if early in life I had been placed on a pristine diet like I am now if it would’ve made a difference. In spite of the illness progressing, many symptoms have cleared after two years of strict adherence to the Paleolithic diet ala Dr. Terry Wahls, who is recovering from progressive multiple sclerosis. My coloring is better than it’s been throughout my life. I used to be so pale that couldn’t wait for the sunshine to get a suntan. The most significant symptom that has cleared is the drunken feeling I used to get when I ate a meal. The illness was relatively subtle at that time. That symptom is completely gone and only recurred once when I was out of the country and off my diet. I wonder about the gluten and dairy effects. But that was another time and this is now. And now I totally believe that this is happening for a reason and it is a good reason and it is for my greatest healing.

I used to blame myself for not having a perfectly able body. Actually, I blamed myself for every imperfection. I suspect that in a weird way I felt some sort of sense of control if I were AT FAULT. After all, if it was my fault perhaps I could fix it. Most of my life felt so out of control. But isn’t that the case for everyone? Anybody who thinks they have any control over anything is naïve. However, we can feel a sense of order if we begin to follow the energy. At least this has been my experience, whether or not everything happens the way I want it to. There is a certain sensation of “being in the flow” that feels better than being in control. There is a certain liberation when one hands over the steering wheel.

How paradoxical that with the dissolution of my body’s abilities I have learned a greater sense of Power from the inside out. The Goddess, She is good.