Nobody is immune from bigotry and hatred. Nobody. I believe that if you are in a human body it is antithetical to imagine being free of intolerance regarding differences. How do I know this? I don’t. But as with everything else I can only feel these theories through my emotional body, through my experiences with others and then synthesize it through my physical body.  Generally, I consider myself a person who is extremely open-minded and tolerant of other people’s differences. After all I have actively cultivated this capacity over time if you have read my past blog entries. If I were to consider my mother’s most positive feature, it would be her generosity toward others and tolerance of their differences. I believe this quality was acquired through nature and nurture.

Just when I think that malevolent feelings are impossible for me to experience, a shocking knee-jerk reaction will register. Just when I think this work is complete and it is others who struggle with these demons, in a flash I can have a thought about a group of people that will neutralize them in their tracks with my bigotry. I render them invisible at the very least and despised at the very worst. Where does this primal hatred come from? In a moment, after looking at a photograph of African-American children, with the rejection of a white supremacist, I rendered them inconsequential. These fleeting thoughts are a major confrontation to my self–concept. I think of myself as a person who has risked my life by hitchhiking to a black school in Miami during college to volunteer with minority students. At one point in my life, I would have married outside of my race and would have had biracial children. I don’t know how I can have these two seemingly polar opposite thoughts and beliefs in one body.

I feel overcome with embarrassment and shame just to admit these abhorrent feelings. My body temperature is raising and I have a compulsion to run and hide, certainly not to EXPOSE this part of my Shadow. However, I am also strangely curious to explore how these errant feelings can actually simultaneously be alive in me. That is how I make the assumption that if it is still in me, it could be in anyone. At least for me it is merely on the surface whereas with many others it is a part of their deeper personality structure. I have to dig for it, I have to be willing to hear it and therefore have to be willing to have my self-concept annihilated by its very existence.

What is also true is that I really do not believe these hateful utterances anymore. It is almost as if they are unrooted in the very fabric of my being. It feels like a disconnected reflex completely visceral in nature and not grounded in my kinesthetic or emotional body. Can it really survive as a free-floating, perhaps collective delusion? I seem to have more questions than answers. Perhaps it is just important that one questions, that one is willing to explore these fleeting, destructive thoughts and not identify with them. Perhaps it is because I no longer own these thoughts and beliefs as mine that it is easier for me to unpack them, explore them and release them.

I feel somewhat undone in anticipation of posting this entry. I believe that we can never become complacent and avoid the uncomfortable areas of the Shadow. This is a time in history where the cultural Shadow is extremely active, where racism and sectarianism are resulting in profound cultural carnage. I think it is no accident that this feeling arose in me after watching the evening news. Of course, I cannot blame it exclusively on the news. I can see it as an opportunity to bring awareness to this disconnected thought pattern that seems to be omnipresent in the current collective energy field.

I believe that the only antidote to this level of hatred is empathy. It is through empathy with self and other that these seemingly enigmatic thought forms can be seen, affirmed and truly accepted as part of our collective wounding. It is only when we can visit our wounds in a complete way that we can understand where this level of contempt truly comes from. I believe all hatred is ultimately self-hatred. It is by acknowledging our own suffering that these destructive feelings can be dismantled, accepted and held in LOVE, and only then can  these be released ultimately and completely.