I was asked this week if I believed that it was possible for me to heal. When confronted with this question, I tend to examine the motivation of the person making the inquiry; what does healing mean to him/her?  It is not unusual for people, as they get to know me, to want to introduce me to a healer who can “heal” me. The reactions people have when they see my physical circumstances are interesting. Naturally, they feel compassion when witnessing a challenge of this magnitude, but it is something else when they feel compelled to want to change my situation without really knowing me or my history. In order to fully get their minds around the fullness of this ordeal, I imagine it is easy for people to project how they would feel if they were in my situation. I understand that this is not an easy set of circumstances to imagine stepping into and that it requires a good deal of empathy to do so.

But this time, I used the question to revisit what healing really means to me. Usually, when someone asks this question, the questioner is referring exclusively to the physical level of healing. I have known people with catastrophic illnesses whose bodies healed and their personalities have become more ego-driven. Of course, I also know of people who have healed physically and evolved into a blissful life with the wisdom that such a demanding teaching can bring. If healing depended exclusively on intention or determination, I would have achieved this outcome many times in the last two decades.

The question of whether I believed that it was possible for me to heal is very evocative, since there are many layers to true healing. When asked that question this week, I responded in the affirmative, but I knew there was more to it. I knew that, yes, it was totally possible for me to heal physically, yet I also knew it was likely that I am not supposed to heal from this illness, at least not necessarily on the level on which she was thinking. I realize that from all of the protocols I’ve been following, and the world renowned healers I’ve been to on three different continents, that if healing was what I was supposed to do, I would be healed. If I could heal using my will, it would’ve been a done deal. If I could use my heart to heal me, this illness would have been ancient history.

Someone who knows me and my work well once said, “if you could heal it with love, Aliyah can do it.” I made it a practice to turn over every stone I thought could be in the way of my healing, whether it was related to the body, mind, or spirit. I completely changed my diet for many years at a time to accommodate the latest research in order to allow my immune system to normalize. Gluten, dairy, sugar and most things white were banished from my diet. Even eggs, grains, and meat were eliminated. I injected urine into my blood stream to normalize immune function, I scraped my veins to help blood flow, I flew to India for embryonic stem cells and Brazil to see John of God. On the level of the mind and spirit, for fifteen years I delved into non-ordinary states of consciousness in order to identify any blocks. And when I recount all of this, I don’t regret a single moment of it. All of this work has contributed collectively to what I experience as my healing.

What I came to believe is that if I were supposed to heal on a physical level I would have, and knowing this, I began to research other possibilities. I questioned the many saints, teachers and lamas who contracted terminal illnesses and passed from this realm. Why would they attract illness to them? I came to understand that some people make an agreement to take on certain challenges, including catastrophic illnesses and injuries, in their “pre-birth planning.” Terri Daniel, a hospice chaplain in Oregon, calls these people Sacred Volunteers. For many of these Volunteers, emotional and spiritual healing of the agreed upon challenge is a major part of the human curriculum for themselves and others in their soul family who they care deeply about. This demanding curriculum demonstrates the Sacred dharma of the archetype of the “wounded healer.” For many years I believed that my journey was that of a wounded healer and part of the story of this archetype often includes physical healing. When the illness continued and the physical healing never happened, I came to understand that the healing must be taking place on an even more unseen level.

Our human minds can be so concrete that we can often miss the bigger picture in a situation. The misunderstanding about the end of the Mayan calendar in 2012, which many believed marked the end of the world, is another example of this concrete misinterpretation. Those that believed  the world would end on December 12, 2012 seemed to believe this literally and missed the possibility that a major revolutionary transition is about to occur. In my opinion, the world may be ending as we know it, but we are opening into a much greater way of Being in the world. The geographical changes that are coming, the expansion of intuition and Love, will be nothing like we humans have experienced thus far.

Perhaps we can consciously expand our collective human minds to include a far greater understanding of Healing. Perhaps we can understand that people living with catastrophic challenges are not to be pitied and their circumstances feared, but they are to be celebrated as courageous spiritual warriors. And then maybe we can imagine a quantum leap into a culture devoid of illness on any level whatsoever. Perhaps we can imagine this time in history as the beginning of the eradication of all suffering.