“If you wonder whether your Work is done, if you are still in your body, it isn’t.”–Unknown

Screenshot 2014-09-28 21.36.05I don’t know why my life has to be so damn intense, but obviously it does; and, by the way, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I recently published my book, with the help of Chris. Chris is a family friend and a brilliant artist/musician. I hadn’t really interacted with him since he was sixteen, probably over thirty years ago. When the opportunity arose to transform my blog into a book, I jumped at it. I had tried once before after much urging from others, but it didn’t work out. I guess I wasn’t ready.

I never asked Chris about his credentials. I knew he published his mother’s book and his sister’s. As with all significant relationships in my life, yes, unconventional. All I knew was that he grew up with three of the most powerful wonderful women I know. That was credentials enough.

Over the last two months I have faced my mortality on several occasions. There was the choking incident where my airwave was 90% blocked, there was the decision regarding hospice that I believe would have created an unnecessary fast pace trajectory. I guess that was serious enough for me and my caregivers. 🙂 When I experience these incidents, we all do in our Care Circle. It is clear that the opportunities, the teachings are becoming more intense and more pure.

I wrote my blog one entry at a time, moving forward; I couldn’t look back, it was too overwhelming. As Chris began to work his magic, I had to peel away what was me and what was not. The last book he completed was full of graphics and purple. I loved it! However, I am white and wheat–sounds like white bread to me. I guess that is me, white bread with a little crust. This realization is pretty ironic, because on many levels, I am so not that. I am multigrain, non-gluten bread or even grated vegetables put through a dehydrator to make a cracker. But, in this book, I am white bread. So I have to own it.

After the book was out, Chris learned a bit more about pricing in publishing. Color photographs yielded a higher price and I wanted the book more accessible to anyone who wanted to read it. Much of the material may be controversial to some readers, I didn’t want to create more obstacles. Due to the excessive cost in printing, Chris took the book “off the shelves” in order to convert it to black-and-white. When I requested this, he did so with enthusiasm. How many men would do that? How many men would be so graceful to admit their complicity?

The next challenge came with some comments from people that there were too many ellipses (…). I wouldn’t have been so affected by other peoples’ opinions, except that it amplified my opinion initially that I had buried. The book is published. How could I possibly present this to Chris again? At 2 AM, being too heavy on my heart, I crafted an e-mail.

I figured, “this time Chris is going to really lose it.” Nope. “Let’s do it,” was his response. He explained his reasoning behind the… Which made my writing more conversational. I did like that aspect, so we will delete 60% of the…’s.

So that was the surface of our interaction, behind the scenes. I believe that the dynamics behind the scenes gets transmitted through the product. We all know how parents effect their children and, “nobody knows what really happens behind closed doors.” Well, this is what happened behind closed doors. I stood up from my truth, something that has been difficult for me to do in my life. I HAD MY BACK. I stood in my power. To his remarkable credit, Chris heard me, respected me and backed me up. What more can you ask for in human existence, and from a publisher, but to do that for ourselves and each other? In his grace, Chris told me that he must have to soak in my message more deeply as he sat at his computer for twelve hours, to make the changes requested.

After all, Chris existentially had said “yes” to the package I presented. He must have been ready. Welcome to the “aliyah effect.” It is not something initiated by me, but something I must have agreed to, as well.

As I mentioned in my book, the word aliyah in Hebrew means to ascend. When I took that name, I must have agreed. That was before any symptoms on a physical level manifested. If you are in my life in a significant way, you must have said YES as well. Especially if you have read my book and are reading my blog.

Sometimes publishing a book is just a straightforward matter. And sometimes it is a jump into the abyss, to meet your ego and transcend the limitations it affords. Sometimes, it means “to ascend.” Thank you all for making this possible for all of us.

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