“Most of the pain we feel is nothing more than a story that needs telling.”
― Ashly Lorenzana

depression

One of the most feared effects of suffering is the experience of bodily pain. I’ve been fortunate to have relatively little neurogenic pain despite having a progressive, degenerative illness. Besides neurogenic pain, there are other forms of pain common in chronic illness caused by inflammation, such as joint pain, effects of disuse atrophy, and more. I specifically designed my diet to exclude foods that are inflammatory. I’ve gone to great lengths to do food sensitivity testing in addition to avoiding known foods that cause inflammation.

I had much more joint pain prior to my dietary changes. For many people with autoimmune issues, a Paleolithic diet excluding dairy and gluten have remediated the symptoms, and in some cases reversed the illness completely. Unfortunately, this was not the case for me. When this became clear, I knew my healing needed to be on a deeper level.

Minimizing daily pain has not only included dietary changes, but riding a motorized stationary bike three times a week to increase circulation and promote skin health. Despite all of my strategizing, there are times that pain is unavoidable. I have undergone various medical interventions that were extremely painful including three abdominal surgeries. There were many less conventional interventions I underwent that were experimental in treating MS, like eight hours of venoplasty to open constrictions in the venous system which was thought to exacerbate progression of the illness. In India, I had a minimum of two injections per day and at least three epidural procedures over eight day durations.

Changing my relationship to pain has been a recurring theme on this healing journey through the body. One of the central teachings has been that I am not my body. I used to believe that I was my body, being identified with my reliable physicality. I used to believe that I thought with my brain. I now feel that I “think” more with my heart than my head. In going through this transformation in belief, my intuition has become stronger and wiser. My relational interactions come more from my heart, more from an inspired place. My work with my clients and friends has become clearer, more heartfelt and effective in encouraging their evolution.

When I think of what has been my greatest ally in learning to separate from the belief that I am my body, I realize that pain has been a master teacher. There have been times when I have experienced pain from pressure sores and couldn’t move for multiple hours due to my disability; there was no way to alleviate the pain. Choosing to live alone, that is a significant consideration. During those times when I could not turn away from the pain, I learned to be present with it. It has been during these times that I realized that there is a part of me NOT experiencing the pain.

This has been a significant practice, developing the “I” separate from the pain. I can remember in childhood having to be wrestled to the floor by the doctor in order to receive an injection. Our tolerance to physical pain increases as we mature. I believe that this is the process of lessening our identification with our physical bodies.

Facilitators like Steven Levine, in the area of death and dying, have been teaching medications to assist people in dis–identifying with extreme pain successfully for many decades. As we identify less as a human body and more as a soul being, our human drama and suffering decreases as our consciousness evolves. This is part of the progression that will assist us when we are ready to make the ultimate transition, to drop our bodies and return Home.

 

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