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“Death is a part of the achievement of life.” -Mother Teresa

sovereignty

I’ve been thinking about the Aid In Dying law that passed in Colorado by nearly a 2/3 margin and the resistance it is getting. I’ve been exploring my own feelings about people rejecting the law based on what they describe as a caring gesture. I don’t doubt that people are concerned about other more physically vulnerable people being taken advantage of; this is a valid concern. However, having been a family therapist for almost 30 years, I understand that if a dynamic of overpowering an individual already exists in a family, this pattern will likely happen, regardless, as the family member becomes more vulnerable. Haven’t we all seen the elderly or infirmed be unjustly treated as part of an unconscious pathology in a family? Most of us have heard the stories or witnessed family members overriding the dying person’s wishes, overpowering the medical staff with threats, overt or covert. Fortunately, the Colorado law was crafted well with many safeguards for protecting the vulnerable. Otherwise, I would not have supported it.

Another concern I’ve heard voiced is that the circumstances surrounding death is God’s will. Okay, so does that mean extending life through technological advances is God’s will also, even if that means prolonging peoples’ suffering, when the quality of life is diminished, and death is imminent? I don’t mean to diminish the value of suffering; I have evolved considerably through my suffering, but I also know the difference between productive suffering and needless suffering, for myself, and I believe everybody should have the right to choose what they can tolerate for themselves. Through much inner psychological and spiritual work prior to and accelerated by this progressive, terminal form of multiple sclerosis, I have cultivated an inner capacity for suffering that other people may never need, or as Buddhists call, “turning poison into medicine.” Sometimes this transcendence only happens at the end, sometimes not until we crossover. Suffering can be an obstacle to transcendence or it can be a catalyst. We must remember that our soul is in charge. I believe everyone in the dying process should have the right to choose how they make their final transition. The Aid In Dying law allows us the autonomy to decide what our bodies and spirits need.

Many opponents to this law call it “assisted suicide.” As a licensed psychotherapist, I evaluated suicidality in people. People who are suicidal want to die. Most people I know of who are dying and considering the prescription want to live; they just want to have some choice in how they die.

Whose bodies are these, anyway, once we have passed the age of majority? My belief is we have  sovereignty over our own bodies if we are mentally competent. Who are we to judge what decisions other people make or do with their own human bodies? One may judge another for eating meat or for not eating meat. Jack Kornfield, author and Buddhist teacher, once said, “Vegetarians are just not sensitive enough to hear a broccoli scream.”

I have been told that I am the perfect candidate for our Aid in Dying bill. Why am I any more perfect than the person dying from cancer with a family that believes all medical means available should be used to prolong their loved one’s life, which also prolongs their suffering, if that isn’t their wish? What would it take for the dying person to be able to choose a better of quality of death, or what is called a good death?

I understand that this requires a paradigm shift in a culture that is death phobic, as Stephen Jenkinson, the author of Die Wise – A Manifesto for Sanity and Soul, so aptly posits. I understand that there can be a slippery slope determining one’s mental status and true stewardship of their body when dementia is a part of the picture. I understand the opponents of Colorado’s Aid In Dying care about others and they fear the vulnerable might be coerced, but this caring should not usurp the dying person’s power of choice, whether one would make the same choice for themselves or not. The law provides safeguards.

If our culture is to become more accepting of death as a part of life, in deed as well as word, we need to confront the fact that we will all die. When we had a more agrarian society, chickens, turkeys, and other animals were sacrificed on a daily basis. On our farm, if we had been more aware, we would have thanked Franklin the turkey for giving his meat so we could live. Actually, the coyotes got Franklin and I was devastated as I went to the grocery store for a Butterball turkey for Thanksgiving, or its organic equivalent. I learned quickly not to name the poultry and make them pets. I am a part of this death phobic culture and perhaps that is why I am so outraged. I feel the resistance internally, the old pattern leaving as the new pattern is forming.

We learn early in our culture that death is bad. When Jordan was two and I was feeding him a lamb chop and Mary had a Little Lamb was his favorite song, he looked at me with tears of betrayal in his eyes and asked me, “Did somebody chop a lamb!?” It was one of those moments mothers fear. I told him that we could thank the lamb for giving its life so we can live. Jordan cried his eyes out. Perhaps if we had been giving thanks for everything that died for our meals, even the broccoli, his heart may not have been so broken. Maybe heartbreak is unavoidable and we need to feel the grief fully when a living being loses its life, whether from cancer, neurological disease, or an elk running free on our land that was needed to feed a family.

I wonder what other deeply held unconscious beliefs get triggered if one who is dying is allowed sovereignty over their body.

Probably my greatest revelation with this cause is that if I imagine having the prescription and I have the legal right to choose, I am freed up to reflect on my life—what is incomplete, what regrets I might have, and finally, whatever is in the way of completely letting go is illuminated. I am free to move to the next level of dying, emotionally and spiritually. I wonder if this is the real issue behind the collective resistance to allowing everyone choice. Perhaps accepting, but truly accepting, that what is at the core of the resistance of allowing everyone choice is our collective fear of facing our own mortality!

Perhaps the patronizing, paternalistic professing of care for others is a cover for the realization that we are not in control of anything, much less our physical bodies. When every state in the union finally accepts Aid In Dying for all individuals, maybe, just maybe, our culture will finally allow death to take its rightful place as a significant part of the Circle of Life.

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Death is a fiction of the unaware. There is only life, life, and life alone, moving from one dimension to another. – Sadhguru

Woman-hiking-in-nature

When my symptoms first started thirty years ago, I made a conscious choice to explore healing on every level available to me: body, mind, and spirit. For three decades, I turned over every proverbial stone in an effort to heal, holisticly. What ever was in the way of perfect health was what I courageously explored. If I listed the healing modalities I pursued, it would take many pages, and maybe be a novella.

Along the way, I helped many others in their healing journeys. The wounded healer is a powerful archetype, intimating that all humans have frailties and limitations; we are works in progress. The wounded healer is a model based in shamanic teachings where a person struggling with physical, mental, or emotional dis-ease, or imbalance and once they heal the imbalance can show others the way of healing. I assumed that I needed to heal physically in order to be of help to others. In my case, healing physically proved to be unnecessary for helping others heal, though honestly, I would’ve preferred a completely healthy body. Ironically, the wound has rendered me more effective in helping others heal, even physically.

All of my efforts to heal physically brought much foundational and constitutional healing, but the disease process continued to progress. After much self-reflection and anger, I came to the conclusion that with all of my work, there was a higher purpose for this rigorous and sometimes heartbreaking curriculum. This understanding helped me to reach acceptance, psychologically and move into a state of transcendence, spiritually, but my nervous system continued to deteriorate.

I’ve recognized that the two trajectories, one of bodily healing and strengthening, and the other, of the disease progressing, were at cross purposes. I feel grateful that I can understand this consciously, as well as knowing there is a higher purpose. Nevertheless, I recognize a scenario where my body will continue to thrive while my brain and spinal cord continue to deteriorate. An infection, and injury, or choking can be lethal at any moment which would render a death with much more suffering for myself, my family, and my caregivers. Many other people facing death have much more acute diagnoses than my own.They deserve a choice on how they will die when death is imminent within six month.

I am not a proponent of prolonging life at all costs which I believe will prolong suffering. I do believe my body is a loving vehicle for this lifetime. However, I believe my soul will live on. Suffering has its value, but having the wisdom to know the difference between necessary and needless suffering is essential and can only be determined by the self in concert with the soul. Being pro-choice is across-the-board for me. I believe a tenant of love is that we have free choice. Becoming informed and in right relationship with our own truth is an inside and an outside job.

Proposition 106 is on the ballot in November. I believe everyone should have self-determination. I believe we learn from our choices, ultimately. I believe that God or a higher power also resides in all of our souls and we are constantly informed by the Source of all existence.This is not up for litigation, in my opinion.

There is a choice on the ballot that we must consider that will allow others self-determination and in situations where individuals are not clear, they will have support to reach a decision that is right for them. It is all about choice and letting Source inform our personal decisions. Honestly, I don’t know what my personal choice would be, but knowing I have the choice would make all the difference between feeling helpless and empowered.

Vote YES on proposition 106 in November 8 in Colorado or when it comes to your state, which it will, because having a CHOICE is an idea whose time has come.