You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘Rebirth’ tag.

“… If the earthly and no longer knows your name, whisper to the silent Earth: I’m flowing.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Forgiveness-WebAfter I completed my book, I questioned whether it was time to leave my body, whether my Work was done; I thought about dying. I didn’t particularly want to think about it, it was just there as a viable option. After all, my level of functioning is pretty primitive on a physical level. I have been reading Kathleen Singh’s book titled, The Grace In Dying where she discusses something I had been contemplating, that Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of dying, so familiar to the general public, were actually states of ego. And after moving through these ego states, there is a state of transcendence that is beyond the ego. Kathleen goes into much more detail about the later stages, beyond the original five stages. She elaborates that the acceptance stage can include much panic and despair, and it is beyond these five stages where surrender happens. I really couldn’t read much more, because I was experiencing too much panic and despair!

I’m really not sure what my next piece on the path is. This place of not knowing is probably the hardest place to be on the spiritual path, whether one is able-bodied or not. I really don’t know… Yesterday there was much despair present, but today that has lifted to a large degree. I slept eight hours and dreamed a lot. What has come out of it is that I will meditate more. MSNBC has been my drug of choice. Some part of me keeps “hoping” that greed will recede and empathy will prevail. ISIL will “see the light.” And maybe as this story unfolds, I will walk again and then snow ski.

Actually, keeping current with the news and interviews of artists and new films and books, helps keep me relevant while in my physical body, though much of the news can be depressing. In all honesty, I did not turn MSNBC off, it stopped working mysteriously. Sometimes I can’t help from unseen forces. My choices to accept this, graciously. As I turn toward it internally, the panic and despair recede. There is more me available.

After all, this is really no different from any other major transition in my life. Well, maybe it is somewhat different.

Questions about my mortality and my ultimate transition become clearer through self-reflection. I mean, who gets to be with these questions calmly and consciously? Would following the trajectory of choosing palliative care through hospice, thereby employing a medication to increase my respiration be copping out? It reminds me of the personal decisions surrounding childbirth, an apt comparison. Natural childbirth or an epidural? Should this birth be induced? How much medical intervention feels right to me? Is there an undercurrent of political agenda influencing the trajectory? I believe how one navigates these transitions is a personal choice for each individual and their family.

Do I have the courage to do this “birth” differently? Instead of choosing a cesarean out of fear like I did in the past, could I just weather the panic and despair as it arose and move into the transpersonal realms? After all, I am very familiar with the transpersonal; I spent fifteen years traveling those realms in breath work.

Maybe, just maybe, I have the patience and courage to do this Sacred transition using my own internal resources that I have been developing over the thirty years since I birthed my babies. Making this transition consciously would require trusting myself and the Universal Love more than I ever have. As of late, I have begun a practice of creating presence internally, by consistently meditating twice a day with the intention of clearing mental and emotional interference. After all, the practice of meditation by many teachers has been described as practicing the dying process, something we will all do.

I suspect that by continuing my daily practices, I will be supported, living the most satisfying life I could’ve imagined with this curriculum while still in my body. Living consciously, with integrity, can only be the best prerequisite to dying with grace.

Advertisements

“Die before you die and find there is no death…”-many mystics

Hibert_LTD_V2I died again. Not in the literal sense, but what is literal? Is it metaphor or allegory if my whole identity shifts from who I think I am in my ordinary life to who I truly am, in a greater sense? That is what happened… again.

Sometimes, there is a shift in consciousness that makes the colors brighter and my heart burst out of my chest. Now that is literal.

I have been preparing for a ten week commitment to begin after the new year, in order to focus on increasing my sense of Presence. With the intention of giving this to myself, I felt a blow to my solar plexus in the form of deep shame. I could call it my Achilles’ heel, an issue that threatens my feeling of Wholeness, when I least expect it. When I hear of someone developing a program or protocol after healing from a life-threatening illness, that scenario can trigger a belief in my deepest failing.

It hit me yesterday, full force, touché right to the gut. Why did I not heal? I have followed all of the protocols, programs and intuitions that have seemed sure to bring total healing. In my psychospiritual work, I have attained every state those who have healed attained. Did I make a Faustian pact, an agreement based on fear of being totally who I am in every facet, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually? I can remember feeling the fear, the contraction, like coming out of the dark room and being overwhelmed by the sunlight..

In order to fully grasp how profound this is, I have to review a similar shift from a previous blog entry:

While I was fully experiencing the all too familiar yet diminishing sense of failure of healing physically, I felt an existential shift that was much like the one I described in a previous post while I was watching The Piano. That profound shift of consciousness was from a sense of victimization of losing everything during the course of the illness, to the empowering realization of, “wait a minute. I let that go, and I let that go, and that…” I think this shift was from the egoic belief on the level of the body to the greater Truth that, “I made a conscious choice to sacrifice my physicality for my greater evolution.” I recognized that I would have otherwise gotten lost in nonstop movement, nonstop physical play. I recognized this addictive tendency and my higher self chose this teaching!

SACRIFICE–the act of giving up something that you want to keep especially in order to do something else or help someone or surrendering a possession as an offering to God. The root of sacrifice is SACRED; therefore, a sacred offering.

With this insight, my whole life made sense. I cried. I cried because I saw the lie in the belief in failure. I knew that this is what I would understand on the other side. I felt the difference between falseness and Truth. I felt the liberation. I knew that the illusion was that death was final. I felt the transcendence of Truth and the release from my physical body; my dear, sad, suffering physical body, my vehicle for this revelation.

If we are fortunate, we die many deaths before the final transition from our physical body to Spirit. Yes, I died yesterday, again.

VISIT THE BLOG FOR MY NEW BOOK – MEET ME BY THE RIVER!

Go to - http://www.meetmebytheriver.net -- And you can find it on Amazon!
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. more...

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 114 other followers

Advertisements